One of the hardest things we need to deal with as Vetrehabbers is the death of our patients — especially patients who have been a part of our lives for a long time. As we prepare for the Vet Rehab Summit 2024 where we will be diving into many of the ethical challenges we face as Vetrehabbers, we decided to have a conversation with Celeste Lazaris on death with dignity. Some of the themes of our conversation were:
- Becoming aware of our own beliefs around euthanasia
- Leading our clients by our example
- Grieving
- Knowing when it’s the right time
- Planning the end
- Ways that we can comfort clients and share our experience.
I would love to share some of the highlights of our conversation here with you.
What our own beliefs are around euthanasia
“What it comes down to is quality of life, and future quality of life.” Celeste Lazaris.
There are many cases where we know that recovery trajectory or future quality of life will not be positive. In these cases, we want to at least consider euthanasia, and possibly set a date for it.
End-of-life decisions can be a gift for both ourselves and our animals. We can spare them from future pain or suffering, which is the biggest gift that we can give them. We can also give them and ourselves the gift of time before the end – time to be fully present together, to enjoy all of their favourite things, to say goodbye, and to give them all our love in their remaining weeks or days.
Leading our clients by our own example
“As a 16 year old, I remember so clearly getting a puppy. My brother sat me down and asked me if I was going to be able to put this dog down. I was devastated and confused – it’s a little puppy, why would he ask me that? He said that one day, I would have to do that, and if I wasn’t going to be able to, I shouldn’t get the puppy. That thought has stuck with me. That is a responsibility that we take on.” Celeste Lazaris
As rehabilitation professionals, we are also owners and guardians of our own animals. This provides us with the opportunity to lead the way for others, and to showcase how decisions around euthanasia and end-of-life care can be made to honour and celebrate the life of our animals and the many ways they have affected our lives.
Grieving
In today’s world and in many cultures, grief and sadness are not handled especially well. We don’t know how to feel grief and sadness, how to travel through them to the other side and emerge still tender, but stronger. It is easier for us to ignore our feelings, to push them aside and not allow ourselves to feel, or express, the deep sadness that is so disturbing. So we carry on almost as if nothing has happened. Certainly for me, that has been true.
Grief can be a really powerful call to presence and to reflection. For many of us, grieving an animal we have lost is also a grieving of past versions of ourselves. Our dogs are our closest partners through the growth and changes of our lives. Our horses are teachers and partners that have helped us achieve goals, grow, and become entirely new versions of ourselves. When we say goodbye to them, we are also saying goodbye to those parts of ourselves, or those stages of our journey. We may also be mourning for the many future changes that our beloved animal will no longer be a part of.
We really need to accept what an enormity the death of a faithful companion is, and be present to the grief. We cannot just brush it aside. We should allow ourselves and our clients the time and the opportunity to walk through the grieving period, however long it may last.
Knowing when it’s the right time
“It’s all about connection.” Celeste Lazaris.
As professionals, we can help our clients connect with their animals in a meaningful way. This connection provides them with the foundation from which they can start to understand what their animal is feeling and thinking, and when they are ready for the end. This is the case whether we are using a more intuitive approach, or whether we are helping our clients to use objective outcome measures or quality-of-life measures.
As our clients start to pay attention to the signs of poor quality of life or pain, and perhaps begin keeping track of the good days and the bad, the knowledge of when it is the right time will come more easily to them.
Because this is a difficult decision and many owners won’t be ready for it, a measure of mental and emotional preparation can help them to continue observing and connecting with their animals.
Planning the end
In many cases, we don’t have the opportunity to plan the last day or days and to create a meaningful experience for both the owners and the animals they are saying goodbye to. When we do have the opportunity to plan in advance, it can be a true gift.
Celeste says that she often makes herself available for this period in practical ways. She makes the arrangements with the veterinarian and with body removal services, or helps to prepare a burial space. The planning and logistics can be complicated for horses, and when we can take that process out of the owner’s hands it is a huge blessing.
In the last days, we have the opportunity to lavish our time and our love on our animals – this is truly a time of being more present than ever with them.
Ways to comfort clients and share our experience
When we don’t have the opportunity to be with our clients and their animals at the end, as is the case for the majority of Vetrehabbers, how can we support our clients, share in the grief of loss, and honour the life of the animal? For many of us, “I’m sorry for your loss” is just too empty a statement. People going through this deep grief need support, especially in a world where many people do not understand and may ridicule deep feelings for an animal.
For Celeste, it’s all about storytelling. Tell your own stories about that animal and how their lives touched yours. Share stories about the moments you shared together, their achievements and the quirks of their personality. Talk about the times they made you laugh, or the lessons they helped you to learn.
You can do this in so many ways. We should try to meet our animals’ owners where they are, to enter into their world a little, acting as a safety net that says, “No matter how badly you take this, I am here.” That might mean a post on Facebook, or a private message. It could be a voice note or a phone call. You can share little parts of the story once, or as time passes. Grief resurfaces in waves, and we can share memories and moments with owners as we notice that they are grieving again over time.
Gift-giving is very meaningful as well, and it doesn’t have to be big. Something small and personal can provide great comfort during times of grief.
Conclusion
I hope that reading this summary of our conversation on a difficult topic has given you some thoughts and ideas for ways in which you can support your clients during difficult times. Listen to the recording of our interview here if you’d like to learn more about Celeste and her personal experiences and practices in this area.
Join us live at the Vet Rehab Summit on 31 August 2024 as we dive into the ethical dilemmas we face as Vetrehabbers, and how we can navigate those waters to bring positive change to our clients and patients.
0 Comments