Inspired by the work of Viktor Frankl and a conversation with Marijke de Jong
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
– Viktor E. Frankl
While this quote was written in a very different time, it still feels incredibly relevant today when life seems to deliver a never-ending stream of stimuli: breaking news, client messages, global instability, social media comparison, rising caseloads, financial pressure, and the invisible emotional weight we carry for the animals and people we care for.
In a Facebook Live presented by Marijke de Jong, she introduced a framework that brilliantly illustrates the space Frankl refers to with a simple pneumonic: STEREO.
Stimulus • Thought • Emotions • Reaction/Response • Effect • Other
Let’s explore what this looks like in the world we live in now.
STIMULUS: The Reality in Front of You
A stimulus is not just a single event – it’s the entire landscape you’re standing in.
Today, that might include:
- The pressure of your work, your patients, and your clients’ expectations
- The never-ending demands of running (or working inside) a business
- Family responsibilities, shifting routines, disrupted sleep, time scarcity
- Economic, political, social, and environmental instability
- The digital fog – the alerts, messages, comments, comparisons
- The emotional labour of caring deeply in a world that often feels heavy
Some of these are within your control. Many are not.
As Steven Covey puts it: some things lie in your circle of concern, but outside your circle of influence. Recognising what is real – without sugarcoating or dramatizing – and differentiating the reality from the story we are telling ourselves, is the starting point.
From here, we move into one of two pathways.
PATHWAY 1: The Automatic Loop
Thoughts
When reality doesn’t look the way we think it should, our mind fills the gap quickly:
- This shouldn’t be happening.
- I should be able to keep up.
- Why is everything so hard right now?
- If people just behaved differently, this wouldn’t be so stressful.
- I should be coping better than this.
These thoughts often sound objective, but they’re usually stories we tell ourselves, not facts.
Emotions
Our thoughts shape our emotions.
And those emotions (as Marijke puts it) fall into the “mad, sad, or bad” categories.
Stress lives here in the space where our expectations and reality no longer match.
And in today’s world, that gap can be wide and constantly shifting.
Reaction
Reactions come fast and often unconsciously:
- Shutting down
- Doom-scrolling
- Snacking, Netflixing, numbing
- Lashing out
- Overworking to “catch up”
- Spiralling into catastrophic thinking
Reactions relieve pressure briefly, but increase suffering long-term.
Effect
Your reaction has consequences – on your body, your relationships, your work, your energy, and your ability to think clearly. Stress compounds and loops back into more thoughts, more emotion, more reaction.
Other
At any moment during this loop, you can pause and ask yourself an ‘other’ question:
- Is this thought true? Or just loud?
- Is this emotion helpful? Or just habitual?
- What else might be true here?
- What perspective am I missing?
- Am I reacting… or choosing?
This question alone creates the space Frankl describes, and can help us step into the second pathway.
PATHWAY 2: The Intentional Loop
Thought
Pathway 2 doesn’t begin with a different situation – it begins with a different thought.
Not denial.
Not forced positivity.
But a grounded acknowledgement:
“This is reality. Now, what can I do with it?”
This small shift moves you out of an argument-with-reality and into agency.
Emotion
A different thought produces a different emotional landscape:
- Gratitude for what is still good in our lives
- Clarity
- Curiosity
- A feeling of capability rather than overwhelm
- A sense of possibility rather than loss
When we ask our brain a question, it will come up with an answer. When we ask, ‘What is wrong?’ we’ll get plenty of responses. When we ask ‘What is right?’ our brain will answer that, too.
Response-ability.
We now have the ability to respond to the situation instead of simply reacting to it. A response is considered, measured and somewhat balanced, while a reaction is immediate and emotional. It is in that gap between stimulus and response that our freedom and our growth lie. We can now be purposeful and intentional with our action, infusing our response with a sense of meaning and purpose.
Effect.
When we take responsibility, we act in a way that is creative, supportive and constructive to ourselves and others. Our actions leave a positive mark on those around us. We are more likely to foster acceptance, trust, love, growth and a sense of community. We also pave the way for others to do the same.
Other.
No matter how well-considered our response, we should always ask ourselves the ‘other’ question. How might I have done things differently? What other factors could I have taken into consideration? Were my thoughts based on reality, or merely my own perceptions?
We can always find ways to improve on previous solutions and contribute differently to our situation.
Wrong and right
Neither of the above ‘pathways’ for thinking is wrong or right. The point is to become aware of which is your habitual pathway, and find ways to change or improve it. If you’re on the first pathway, at any point you can observe where you are and choose to change it. That does not mean where you are is bad; it is a completely natural, human response to what is happening around you. It may be helpful to recognise where on either of these pathways you are. This awareness precedes any kind of meaningful action.
If you’re on the second path, you may still find yourself overwhelmed by the situation and switching back to the first path in your thinking, emotional state or actions. Again, this is OK. There is no wrong or right, there is just what you choose to be, and what you choose to do. It is much more helpful if we look at ourselves without judgement, simply observing our thoughts and our emotions without criticism, but rather with curiosity. When we start to see our thoughts and emotions without judgement, but as they are – a ‘raw’ response to a situation or piece of news, or to our own belief about either – then it becomes a little easier to choose to change our thoughts and responses.
‘For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment.’ Viktor E. Frankl
To listen to the Facebook Live with Marijke de Jong on this topic, you can head over to her Facebook page.
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